Chapter 14: We Made It to the End!
(Posts for the foreseeable future may
be a bit brief and slapdash. Proofreading? Revision? What are those!? Sincere
apologies—it’s been a heck of a few months and the Commissioner is digging her
way out of them.)
Well,
here we are! The end of the novel, where we must get our heroes together for
their Happily Ever After. So, naturally, we open with Emma at the Wedding Inn
(writing up her bill for the Subplot Wedding that Wasn’t) when who should
appear…? Why, the Subplot Groom! He’s plead guilty and thus been allowed out
and about, and expects to get a fine and community service rather than jail time,
including being a spokesperson to the youth on how easy it is to end up doing
crime, and he’s at the Inn because he plans to apologize to everyone he hurt.
The
one he hurt the most, however, specifically the Subplot Bride, won’t see him.
In fact, her family took out a restraining order against him. I guess I’ll
handwave that as the family having a judge in their pockets or something,
because I don’t think you can legally take out a restraining order on someone
who has never been violent to you or threatened you or has a criminal background
of violence. Two minutes of google-fu tell me, however, that there are
allegations of restraining order abuse—meaning that it’s actually very easy to
get a restraining order because judges err on the side of the one asking for an
order because it’s very bad publicity to deny a restraining order and then have
the asker end up dead. It also apparently can happen in as little as a day, so
I guess the Subplot Bride’s family really could have done this, but it’s still
super underhanded, would require lying to the court and judge, and is not what
a restraining order is for.
The
Subplot Groom has given up on his bride because “[s]he fell in love with a marketing
whiz, an up-a-comer. Now that [he’s] no longer that person—well, let’s just say
there’s no chance for reconciliation there, either” (192). As little as I care
about this subplot, I included that quote because that is diametrically opposed
to what Mama Hart said to Joe and to what this main couple will decide about
sticking through it all and loving each other no matter what and not giving up.
So while the Subplot Thief and Heiress aren’t the main duo in this novel, their
story does take up quite a few pages and seem to totally undercut the message
of the main pairing.
And
yet, the Subplot Groom’s final words to Emma, that if your life is going the
wrong way, “U-turns are allow” (194) are “prophetic” and enough to convince her
that she needs to make a change and figure things out with Joe.
Her marriage had crumbled because she
hadn’t possessed the courage to ignore the evidence to the contrary and believe
in Joe. Because she had been afraid to tell Joe how she really felt, how deeply
she was in love with him (194, comma splice error original).
Do
real live people think this way? Like, ever? I mean, I can see waiting for the
significant other to explain the situation before jumping to conclusions, but
A) Embroidered monogram thongs, as ridiculous as that is, don’t just appear in
people’s bedrooms magically and B) they didn’t have a marriage to crumble! Saying
the words in front of a justice of the peace gives you the legal bindings of a
marriage, which mostly constitute how you pay your taxes and who is now your
next of kin, but it doesn’t magically make the relationship that is a marriage.
(In other words, I’m defining marriage in two different ways, two separate
entities. Joe and Emma had a legal marriage, unbeknownst to them, for the past
seven years…. Which means I’m pretty sure they’ve been filing their taxes
wrong. But that’s all it means. The relationship on which their marriage
ideally should have been built wasn’t there. I don’t care how long they dated
when they were nineteen, it’s seven years later now and they’re different
people. Think about how much changes in seven years.
But
this novel has been conflating the two relationships and insisting that if you
have the one (the legal one, at least once you’re aware of its existence), then
you have to strive for the relationship one. And sure, again, ideally you
would. Frankly, ideally you’d go the other way ‘round, starting with the
relationship and then signing the piece of paper that has you jointly filing
your taxes. But the relationship can’t be forced and isn’t instantaneously
created by signing that paper.
If
it were, there’d be a lot fewer divorces after spontaneous Las Vegas weddings.
But
now we’re down to just a few pages of novel, so let’s get to them.
Joe’s
four brothers (did you know he had four? I’d forgotten about the sportscaster
one, if I ever knew he existed) show up to take Emma to a surprise location.
It was one thing to be led around by
Joe—he was her husband, after all. But by all the men in the Hart clan was
something else indeed! (195)
I’m
deeply concerned that it’s okay for a husband to grab his wife’s elbow and lead
her around wherever he wants, if the two of them haven’t actually okayed that
as part of their relationship. In other words, I’d be peeved if my significant
other did that to me, particularly on a regular basis.
Emma
asks what happens if she doesn’t want to go, and the brother say they’ll
convince her. To her question about what happens if she isn’t convinced, they
just grin and she sighs, understanding that like or not, she’s going.
I
find this creepy.
They
get to the Storm’s practice rink and head for the locker room where Joe is
waiting. (Joe has also shaved off his beard.) The brothers are joined by Emma’s
parents, the coach, and “sports attorney Ross Dempsey” (196). (Every time this
man is mentioned in the novel, he’s “sports attorney Ross Dempsey”, as if it’s
super important for readers to recall who he is… only he doesn’t do anything of
use, ever.)
Apparently
this locker room has a television, because Joe turns it on and tells everyone
to watch it. If this were their actual arena, I’d say they ought to be in the
players’ lounge, but the text does specify practice. And while I am a nosy
person who had more access to the Arizona Coyotes than most people do to their
local NHL teams, I do not actually know what the practice rink’s locker rooms
look like (for the NHL—I know what the regular locker rooms look like, having
used them) or whether they’d have a tv in them.
Joe
leaves and goes to the weight room. (Another shrug from me here. I know that
the Yotes don’t have a weight room at their practice rink but that they do
sometimes work out in the fitness center that’s in the same rink. They have a
weight/training room at their actual arena, though.) After “about ten reps” on “one
of the weight machines” (could you vague that up a bit for me, text?) Tiffany
Lamour shows up.
Dressed as beautifully as always, in
a form-fitting red sheath and high heels, she looked like a tomcat on the prowl
(197).
There’s
something about the tomcat imagery that seems off, even though I know what the
text is going for and I applaud the text/author for not entirely slut shaming Tiffany.
Tiffany
says the weight room is a strange place to meet and from this Joe admits that
Emma left him over the thong. He says Tiffany’s ploy was clever and she agrees,
but that Emma’s leaving is ironic since he and Tiffany hadn’t done anything.
Tiffany
ends up admitting that the entire thing was payback because Joe wouldn’t “seduce”
her (197) when she gave him multiple opportunities. Joe calls it blackmail.
Tiffany
tries again to seduce him, saying that he’s not the first or last, and if he
takes her to bed, she’ll “be good to [him] from here on out” (198).
I’m
trying to fathom the psychology that is Tiffany Lamour. I presume she finds
some sort of sexual thrill not only in the sex (since she could get that in
other ways) with athletes (which she could still get) but in the power she sees
herself as having over them thanks to her news show? And I guess I can buy
that, since people are weird, but
people are rarely so knowledgeable about themselves to baldly point out that
that’s what they do and that the person they’re trying to seduce in that moment
isn’t the first or last.
But
Joe says he will be the last, in fact, since Tiffany’s been on camera this
whole time.
Tiffany
threatens to sue, and “sports attorney Ross Dempsey” says then they’ll
counter-sue. Mac-the-Sheriff says he’d have to arrest Tiffany for blackmail and
extortion.
Tiffany
defiantly asks what they want of her and does “a double take” (198) when told
she has to apologize to Emma and Joe. That … seems like the least of what they’d
want of her, so I’m weirded out by how surprised she is at the stipulation. She
capitulates with a fake apology and a demand of the tape, but everyone says no,
that it’s insurance, including Saul (team owner, Emma’s dad) who says if he
hears of Tiffany ever doing anything similar again, he’ll release it to the
media. So I guess that’s Saul taken care of and now in Joe’s corner.
Speaking
of Joe, he kicks everyone out except Emma at this point, and she apologizes for
not believing in him. And we find out
that the problem, why she couldn’t trust him, had nothing to do with their
utterly absurd excuse for a relationship and all the things I’ve been pointing
out. Oh no. Instead…
“Deep down, I guess I didn’t think I
could hold on to you” (200).
Nope,
it’s all about the woman’s insecurities. She continues on, saying “I’m still
foolish sometimes” and Joe’s response is that they’ll work on that (201).
Asshat.
Then
they admit to each other that they love each other and want to stay married, as
long as there’s “no more walking out when the going gets rough” (202).
“I promise… I’ll never doubt you—or us—again”
(202).
Because
that’s totally how these things work.
Then
they kiss and go home. The end.
WOW.
That was a lot of work to get through, although in part because of my weird
travel schedule and in part because my tablet died-ish. But part of it was the
utter insanity of what went on in this book. Sure, there weren’t any
traditional fantasy elements (no wherehyenas!) but when I stopped to think
about what passed for “normal” in this book, I just had to comment on it and
poke at it and try to figure out what the heck.
I
think if an average reader—myself included—just sat down to read this book without expecting to critique it like I
do for the FHL, a lot of what was utterly bizarre about it would have just been
accepted. (Marriage is about trust? Okay! I buy that!... waitaminute… this marriage is founded on lies and a
hiatus of seven years… maybe I should reconsider what the groundwork of this
marriage means for the expectations therein…) I think if I had read it that way,
I still wouldn’t have liked the book
(I didn’t like either character, for example, and everyone non-main-couple was
a caricature) but I wouldn’t have had quite so many problems with it.
At
any rate, I don’t recommend this book and I don’t have any intention whatsoever
looking for other books by the same author.
Next up? We’re moving away from the Harlequins and finding out what knitting and hockey have in common…other than the fact that they’re both hobbies of mine.
(Not,
like, at the same time. I have never sat on the bench between shifts working on
a scarf or something. But I have frequently watched games, both on tv and
rec-league in person games, while knitting various things. In fact, funny story—one
of the teams I played on was called the Predators. But rather than use the
Nashville logo, our logo was based on the alien from the movies. So our team
had a tradition that whoever played particularly well each game, the sort of ‘start
of the game’, would get a small predator figure to carry around for the week
and return the following. I got him early in the season, and I crocheted him a
helmet and a pair of hockey pants. Okay, so it wasn’t knitting, but when I work
in 3D, I prefer crocheting. I prefer knitting for all other yarn crafts.)
Anyway, Preddy (as he was affectionately called) was well dressed for the rest
of the season.
Right.
Join me again soon for the next text…
One of my (many) problems is that I don't understand why hockey romances can't attempt to do bigger things. Sure, you have the hero, the heroine, the happy ending, and the whole journey to be a better person, but you could also explore or skewer so many issues on the way. There are hockey controversies and there are also romantic lessons to learn. But to do all these things at once takes planning.
ReplyDeleteSo for the subplot and the main plot relationships to diverge as widely as you have pointed out here makes me think that no thought has gone into the plotting. If the lesson is that you have to work hard to make a marriage succeed, then everything should underline that. It's far easier to pluck your characters from the stereotype cupboard—beautiful evil woman, secret criminal, virginal bride, action hero—and know that everyone will recognize them. After all, how many people will read and wonder about rational motivations and actions? At least two, but obviously not enough to affect book sales.
Anyway, I know I'm tilting at windmills, but with so many new hockey romances, I remain hopeful. Could it be the next book? Sounds like no. But we'll have some laughs, which is important too. Carry on, Commish.
I think with the speed and brevity with which Harlequins are generally written, the authors just don't think about the bigger picture, although it's rarely so blatantly negated by dueling plots, as in this one. The publisher just needs hunky heroes and the fantasy of wealth, incredibly hot sex, and fulfilling love in order to sell the books. The fact that there was hockey involved in this one was probably the most arbitrary thing of all.
DeleteFrankly, the fact that people are happy with this kind of insert stock character into stock plot is a big part of why romance as an overall genres is so denigrated, even when many of the non-series writers are doing really enjoyable things with their novels.
Oh well.
I suspect mostly laughs and me railing at the fact that not only did the author get the hockey wrong (unknown, as I haven't gotten to hockey yet) but also she got the knitting and spinning wrong (I have already found errors in the prologue) are to be expected in the next book. Maybe we'll be pleasantly surprised, though...
It could happen.