Offside: Post 24

Chapter 28: Epilogue

Please note that posts may be a bit slapdash and a bit irregular through the month of March. My sincere apologies!

The epilogue takes place about a month later. Since the Thanksgiving Day Tournament-slash-Hockey Injury-slash- Confessions of Looooooooove, Billie has been able to get ice installed at the old (incredibly convenient) rink, find (many, many) students, get permits, and even the support of the entire town behind her.

So, magic? It's a Christmas Miracle!

It’s steadily snowing, but that isn’t stopping what appears to be a Christmas Eve Eve (ie: the 23^rd of December) Grand Opening of Barker’s School of Hockey Instruction & Training (quite possibly one of the most cumbersome business names ever). There’s hot chocolate and children throwing snowballs and a surprisingly lack of, say, ice hockey for this hockey school’s grand opening.

Shane stops by, mainly to remind readers that his book is next and he’s currently lonely and troubled, because Bobbi has announced her engagement to Gerald. (Apparently she has also added an “e” to her name because she’s suddenly “Bobbie” in this scene.) Oh, also, a stray dog has found Shane and adopted him, so I suppose the door is open for more animals-watching-the-main-couple-have-sex in his book, too.

And that’s pretty much the end of Offside with the exception of a little more smooching and Billie one more time insisting to Logan that she’s not a kid. Given that they’ve been having Teh Sex everywhere and always for almost two months now, I hope he knows she’s not a kid, because ew.

All snark aside—except not really since, as you may have noticed, snark is what I do—there were definitely significant pros and cons to this book.

On the plus side, the hockey was good. The author seemed to know her hockey. When Billie was on the ice, what she was doing made sense. The text didn’t toss around hockey terminology like it was picked out of a pile of magnetic poetry and could be strung together in any order. Similarly, there were not tortured attempts to use hockey terminology as metaphor. I like the idea of hockey terminology as metaphor, but every time I’ve actually seen them shoehorned into texts, they pretty much just made me laugh.

Also plus, I love that Billie was a better hockey player than anyone else in the book. This is the first book at the Fictional Hockey League that we’ve seen a female player at all, let alone one who’s really good. (The only exception to the first half of that statement was the short story one-off where a Not-a-Canucks-Player helped a brand new newbie player learn to skate a bit in order to play rec league hockey.)

I like the idea of tensions based on gender issues, with a woman able to hold her own in a male-dominated place, but I feel like this book went way too far with the reaction Billie got for wanting to play hockey (what with the violence and the property damage and the townspeople up in arms.) That said, I was telling a friend about this book recently. Said friend is from the American Deep South and said that she could see that kind of reaction happening if a woman wanted to play on a football team. So I will allow that it’s a possible reaction, but one that is so far outside my understanding or experience that it seems entirely absurd to me.

I like that these two characters were fairly three dimensional. The narrative for each of them went well beyond constant angst and rehashing of “oh woe is me.” However, unfortunately, I didn’t feel that these two characters worked together, even by novel’s end. Maybe the narrative told us that he loved Billie, but to my mind, it didn’t show that. Sure, it showed that he was in lust with her (ALL THE ERECTIONS EVER) and that he was crazy super jealous if someone else looked at her, but I didn’t feel the emotions between these two characters. Unfortunately, that’s not something that I know how to explain better than I have here.

(In the books I’ve reviewed thus far for the Fictional Hockey League, I’d say I only ‘felt’ the emotional pull between Nickolai and Noel in Nickolai’s Noel, and between Chelsea and Vinnie, the secondary couple in Her Man Advantage. On the other hand, I didn’t loathe the main couple and think that they’re actually an abusive relationship, unlike Play the Man.)

Offside is not a bad book by any means, but I wouldn’t say it was a fantastic book, either. Not to mention that one of the biggest obstacles--- that Billie slept with Logan by posing as her sister Betty--- was not only not dealt with in a way that I personally think would be appropriate (which is to say acknowledging that that’s assault) but not even dealt with at all, really. Logan just seems to decide to forget about it, after his two hour magic sulk. I also did not like that there was so much slut shaming and no one was ever called out on it. Not only did the misogynistic characters do it—which would at least be in character for these guys who are threatened by a confident woman who plays hockey better than they do-- but other female characters do it, too. That isn’t to say that women don’t slut shame in real life, since, sadly, they do all the time, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to see people (even fictional ones) called out on it, particularly in a novel where it happens so damn much.

What will the Fictional Hockey League take on next? Come back next time (Monday, I hope) to find out. In the meantime, here are two memes that are relevant to our Beer League-y interests. :D

Postscript: I'm adding this about a week after writing this post. I'm currently back in Phoenix and I got to play a bit of scrimmage tonight and talk to some people and just generally embrace the beer league culture again, albeit briefly. I brought up the FHL with Flurry afterwards and this book in particular. And while she agreed with me about the horrors of the duct tape in chapter one, she actually pointed out that most places aren't like Phoenix.  (Well, obviously, but she meant as far as adult development hockey goes.) She's talked to lots of transplants who have played beer league in other states and towns, and segregated teams are more the norm, especially in places that have a tradition of hockey-- presumably because women can develop up through girls' hockey (non checking) and into women's teams, and there are just more women playing.

Couple that with what I said above about another friend talking about football in the American South, and I guess this book's premise is less farfetched.

THAT SAID, since the beer league in question in Offside is specifically non-checking, I still don't see why people are THAT up in arms about Billie's decision to play. Hockey players are, in my experience, the most WELCOMING athletes and people ever. There's just this instant respect one player tends to have for another just for stepping onto the ice, beginner or not, woman or not.

I know that when it comes to certain things that seem so OBVIOUS to me, such as the inherent  desirability of gender equality, I have a blind spot. So I suppose you should take that into consideration when considering my overall commentary on Offside.

That said, I don't actually take back anything I wrote, I just thought I should add this other opinion here, too.

Overall, Offside was fairly well written, if poorly proofread. (I've read far worse, though, so as long as you're not a stickler for grammar, you'd probably be okay.) The pacing was a little off, but far better than Play the Man, which was just sloooooooow. As you know, I don't think Billie's actions as a teenager were properly addressed and I think Logan's erection got way too much notice throughout. If this author had another hockey novel, I'd buy it. (And if the other triplet books were to be suddenly appear in my life, I'd read them. But I have enough to read and pay for that I won't be seeking them out.)

Monady's's post-- beginning a new book!-- is written and posted, so please enjoy that. Nothing after that is not yet, so we shall see if I manage it in between enjoying my old stomping grounds, hanging with friends, and later frantically preparing for more March craziness.

Offside: Post 2

Chapters 2 & 3: This Town Has Nothing to Talk About

Is it a necessity that heroine’s families be damaged or damaging? In Body Check, the heroine’s mother was dead and her father was consumed by hockey. Granted, in Play the Man the heroine’s family was mostly unmentioned and I don’t think we were meant to see them as problematic, but I found the heroine’s parents disapproval that she hadn’t ‘won’ her husband yet troubling. In “Rejoice: A Burden,” the heroine’s family didn’t let her use magic. In Nickolai’s Noel, her family didn’t want her to live her dream, preferring she stay in Lexington and care for them. In Her Man Advantage, the heroine had to basically raise her little sister and take care of her when bullies attacked. Here in Offside, Billie’s family is equally messed up.

The triplets’ mother (Chantal) seems to have died a long time ago, at some point in the triplets’ young childhood, and they were raised mostly by their father and grandfather. Unfortunately, now their father is very sick, although the text doesn’t explain with what. He’s wasting away, and he’s also no long recognizing people. (At the chapter’s end, he thinks Billie is her long-dead mother.)

Chapter two basically takes place during a family dinner, during which time Bobby Jo informs Billie Jo that the whole town has been talking about her and her choice to play in a men’s league. Damn that is a town with nothing to talk about. And this is supposed to be a contemporary romance. Bah.

Bobby Jo is, according to herself, the responsible sister. While Betty Jo jet sets around the world, modeling and partying, and while Billie Jo was in Europe living her hockey dreams, Bobby Jo stayed home looking after their father and grandfather.

She was also apparently busy becoming a terrible, terrible person. Bobby Jo starts by telling Billie that a woman playing beer league hockey is “wrong and stupid” (31). Then she accuses Billie of always running away, and that she took all of their father’s time and attention (as he took her to hockey tournaments around North America.) Billie Jo has played in two Olympics, but Bobby sees that as youthful fun and glory-chasing that achieved “nothing but a wasted education [and] a half-baked career in Europe” (39).

Bobby Jo also has a terrible boyfriend named Gerald to whom she defers in all things. (I suspect he’ll be quick to go by the wayside in her book). He first asks Billie where she’d shower if playing in a men’s league, then says that she’d be better of spending her time in pursuit of a job. He even offers to find her a position at his law firm. I personally don’t see how playing hockey one night a week keeps one from getting a job (I found a job while playing beer league hockey as often as I possibly could). I also agree with Billie Jo that it’s none of this guy’s business, but her sister takes exception, saying she’s rude to say so.

After the argument goes on for a while and it’s clear that Bobby Jo won’t step down from her sanctimonious position, Billie points out to Gerald that his fly is down, then goes off to sit with her dad (and half a bottle of wine).

A bit later, and over in chapter three, Logan is at a bar. Actually, by the end of the chapter it seems like most of the town is at this bar.

I don’t understand small towns. I grew up in a place that was essentially a few houses and some churches and a couple of farms, but it wasn’t a small town (it was designated a village, actually.) This not-town abuts another small not-town which abuts a proper town (with stoplights and everything!) This third place is where I went to elementary school, junior high, and high school. I could get from my house in small not-town to the high school in exactly 8 minutes. (Yes I had it down to a science. I got to drive to school my senior year which meant I could spend as long as possible sleeping.) In none of these places was there only one place to hang out or any local news big enough for everyone to be talking about it. I now live in a small town that’s more isolated than where I grew up (it doesn’t quite abut other towns), and still there’s no local news that literally everyone will be talking about it. I’m convinced that these idyllic small towns of romance novels and tv shows (I’m thinking Supernatural, where the brothers roll into a new small town each week and sometimes it’s so small and isolated that the washing out of a single bridge can get them trapped inside) are purely fictional. And then I remember my friend who grew up in Montana and think there might be some one-traffic-light towns but they’re a helluva lot more rare than in fiction.

Other people wanna chime in, here? Do these sorts of small towns exist and I’ve just lived in many, many places that are not these small towns?

So Logan is at this bar, waiting to meet (specific) people and overhearing Seth-the-asshat continuing to complain about Billie Jo wanting to play in the beer league and asking other people how they’re going to ban her from playing.

He’d had one hell of a day, the kind when nothing goes right and damned if he wanted to listen to a bunch of grown men act like the world was going to end because a girl wanted to play in their league (49).

Preach it, Logan.

Logan ponders Billie Jo for a bit, realizing that while he’d found her sisters attractive (and even dated Betty Jo—because apparently everyone has dated Betty Jo), he’d never thought of Billie as anything but a kid until now. He’s interrupted by the arrival of Shane Gallagher, his best friend, recently released from prison. (This is the guy who is the hero of book 2, which makes sense since we find out in this conversation that he’s been carrying a torch for Bobbi Jo since high school.) Logan fills Shane in on the town gossip (ie: OMG! COOTIES IN THE BEER LEAGUE!) until the object of said gossip shows up at the bar as well.

She sure as hell didn’t look like any damn jock he’d ever seen before (57).

See, she cleans up nice. And pretty girls aren’t the same as girls who play hockey, apparently. (She’s wearing a super-clingy, super-short red dress and boots to the knee, with her waist-length hair worn down.) She’s so attractive that when she walks in with her two friends, the place actually goes silent, “like [sound] had been sucked into a black hole” (58).

Unfortunately, this just fuels the fire of the naysayers.

“That ain’t no hockey player. She looks like a damn whore,” [Seth] proclaimed, turning to the group of men at his table. “Do we really want pussy out on the ice with us?” (58).

As I’ve said before and suspect I’ll continue to say, this is just so bizarre to me.

Seth-the-asshat’s friends agree with him and egg each other on, and soon they’re saying vile things until Logan decides enough is enough and goes to confront Seth. Shane comes with him, even though a bar fight would be a violation of his parole. The threat of violence, however, is enough to shut the grumbling misogynists up for a bit, although Seth points out that none of the league’s team captains will draft Billie Jo.

Conveniently (for the novel), Logan is a captain and says he’ll take her. Inconveniently (for Logan) his current girlfriend walks in at just that moment and she’s horrified.

“Tell me you did not just offer to let her onto your team” (63 emphasis original).

What the hell does she care? On one hand, maybe she’s jealous, which speaks poorly of her. On the other hand, it reads like she’s just particularly interested in gender roles and doesn’t want Logan helping Billie Jo break them.

Regardless, Sabrina-the-girlfriend is about to be Sabrina-the-ex-girlfriend. Logan tells Sabrina they should just leave (she thinks for sex, he plans to break up with her as he thinks she’s gotten too “comfortable” in his life as evidenced by the fact that she … folded his laundry.) Shane says he’ll stay behind to look after Billie (which I doubt she’d thank him for) and this makes Logan feel jealous. The chapter ends without us getting to see the breakup.