Offside: Post 24

Chapter 28: Epilogue

Please note that posts may be a bit slapdash and a bit irregular through the month of March. My sincere apologies!

The epilogue takes place about a month later. Since the Thanksgiving Day Tournament-slash-Hockey Injury-slash- Confessions of Looooooooove, Billie has been able to get ice installed at the old (incredibly convenient) rink, find (many, many) students, get permits, and even the support of the entire town behind her.

So, magic? It's a Christmas Miracle!

It’s steadily snowing, but that isn’t stopping what appears to be a Christmas Eve Eve (ie: the 23^rd of December) Grand Opening of Barker’s School of Hockey Instruction & Training (quite possibly one of the most cumbersome business names ever). There’s hot chocolate and children throwing snowballs and a surprisingly lack of, say, ice hockey for this hockey school’s grand opening.

Shane stops by, mainly to remind readers that his book is next and he’s currently lonely and troubled, because Bobbi has announced her engagement to Gerald. (Apparently she has also added an “e” to her name because she’s suddenly “Bobbie” in this scene.) Oh, also, a stray dog has found Shane and adopted him, so I suppose the door is open for more animals-watching-the-main-couple-have-sex in his book, too.

And that’s pretty much the end of Offside with the exception of a little more smooching and Billie one more time insisting to Logan that she’s not a kid. Given that they’ve been having Teh Sex everywhere and always for almost two months now, I hope he knows she’s not a kid, because ew.

All snark aside—except not really since, as you may have noticed, snark is what I do—there were definitely significant pros and cons to this book.

On the plus side, the hockey was good. The author seemed to know her hockey. When Billie was on the ice, what she was doing made sense. The text didn’t toss around hockey terminology like it was picked out of a pile of magnetic poetry and could be strung together in any order. Similarly, there were not tortured attempts to use hockey terminology as metaphor. I like the idea of hockey terminology as metaphor, but every time I’ve actually seen them shoehorned into texts, they pretty much just made me laugh.

Also plus, I love that Billie was a better hockey player than anyone else in the book. This is the first book at the Fictional Hockey League that we’ve seen a female player at all, let alone one who’s really good. (The only exception to the first half of that statement was the short story one-off where a Not-a-Canucks-Player helped a brand new newbie player learn to skate a bit in order to play rec league hockey.)

I like the idea of tensions based on gender issues, with a woman able to hold her own in a male-dominated place, but I feel like this book went way too far with the reaction Billie got for wanting to play hockey (what with the violence and the property damage and the townspeople up in arms.) That said, I was telling a friend about this book recently. Said friend is from the American Deep South and said that she could see that kind of reaction happening if a woman wanted to play on a football team. So I will allow that it’s a possible reaction, but one that is so far outside my understanding or experience that it seems entirely absurd to me.

I like that these two characters were fairly three dimensional. The narrative for each of them went well beyond constant angst and rehashing of “oh woe is me.” However, unfortunately, I didn’t feel that these two characters worked together, even by novel’s end. Maybe the narrative told us that he loved Billie, but to my mind, it didn’t show that. Sure, it showed that he was in lust with her (ALL THE ERECTIONS EVER) and that he was crazy super jealous if someone else looked at her, but I didn’t feel the emotions between these two characters. Unfortunately, that’s not something that I know how to explain better than I have here.

(In the books I’ve reviewed thus far for the Fictional Hockey League, I’d say I only ‘felt’ the emotional pull between Nickolai and Noel in Nickolai’s Noel, and between Chelsea and Vinnie, the secondary couple in Her Man Advantage. On the other hand, I didn’t loathe the main couple and think that they’re actually an abusive relationship, unlike Play the Man.)

Offside is not a bad book by any means, but I wouldn’t say it was a fantastic book, either. Not to mention that one of the biggest obstacles--- that Billie slept with Logan by posing as her sister Betty--- was not only not dealt with in a way that I personally think would be appropriate (which is to say acknowledging that that’s assault) but not even dealt with at all, really. Logan just seems to decide to forget about it, after his two hour magic sulk. I also did not like that there was so much slut shaming and no one was ever called out on it. Not only did the misogynistic characters do it—which would at least be in character for these guys who are threatened by a confident woman who plays hockey better than they do-- but other female characters do it, too. That isn’t to say that women don’t slut shame in real life, since, sadly, they do all the time, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to see people (even fictional ones) called out on it, particularly in a novel where it happens so damn much.

What will the Fictional Hockey League take on next? Come back next time (Monday, I hope) to find out. In the meantime, here are two memes that are relevant to our Beer League-y interests. :D

Postscript: I'm adding this about a week after writing this post. I'm currently back in Phoenix and I got to play a bit of scrimmage tonight and talk to some people and just generally embrace the beer league culture again, albeit briefly. I brought up the FHL with Flurry afterwards and this book in particular. And while she agreed with me about the horrors of the duct tape in chapter one, she actually pointed out that most places aren't like Phoenix.  (Well, obviously, but she meant as far as adult development hockey goes.) She's talked to lots of transplants who have played beer league in other states and towns, and segregated teams are more the norm, especially in places that have a tradition of hockey-- presumably because women can develop up through girls' hockey (non checking) and into women's teams, and there are just more women playing.

Couple that with what I said above about another friend talking about football in the American South, and I guess this book's premise is less farfetched.

THAT SAID, since the beer league in question in Offside is specifically non-checking, I still don't see why people are THAT up in arms about Billie's decision to play. Hockey players are, in my experience, the most WELCOMING athletes and people ever. There's just this instant respect one player tends to have for another just for stepping onto the ice, beginner or not, woman or not.

I know that when it comes to certain things that seem so OBVIOUS to me, such as the inherent  desirability of gender equality, I have a blind spot. So I suppose you should take that into consideration when considering my overall commentary on Offside.

That said, I don't actually take back anything I wrote, I just thought I should add this other opinion here, too.

Overall, Offside was fairly well written, if poorly proofread. (I've read far worse, though, so as long as you're not a stickler for grammar, you'd probably be okay.) The pacing was a little off, but far better than Play the Man, which was just sloooooooow. As you know, I don't think Billie's actions as a teenager were properly addressed and I think Logan's erection got way too much notice throughout. If this author had another hockey novel, I'd buy it. (And if the other triplet books were to be suddenly appear in my life, I'd read them. But I have enough to read and pay for that I won't be seeking them out.)

Monady's's post-- beginning a new book!-- is written and posted, so please enjoy that. Nothing after that is not yet, so we shall see if I manage it in between enjoying my old stomping grounds, hanging with friends, and later frantically preparing for more March craziness.

Her Man Advantage: Post 19

Chapters 14: Surprisingly Anticlimactic

Given that this is a novel about a former gang member visited by his past, having his new potential love of his life threatened, all while he’s an NHL defenseman heading into the playoffs, the book’s conclusion is kind of anticlimactic. (Yeah, yeah, the climax was in the previous chapter, what with the shootout and all, but the climax of romance novels is generally the couple admitting their feelings, which has yet to happen in this novel.) But we have 12 pages to tie up all the loose ends, so things have to happen quickly.

Fortunately, that’s not too difficult in a book that is mainly made up of unlikely and/or convenient events. First there’s the police to deal with. Even though Axel is quite irritated at having spent the entire night in the police station, things have gone pretty easy on him and Jennifer because much of the station is made up of Phantoms fans (phans?) who want to give Axel advice on how the team should play against the Boston Bears.

Well, that piece of information (Boston Bears instead of Bruins) tells us that this alternate NHL is not just borrowing the NHL teams’ AHL affiliates. (There is an AHL Bears team, but they’re in Hershey, PA and they’re the Washington Capitals’ affiliate, not the Bruins’.)

Second there’s the motorcycle club, the Destroyers, who are being charged with weapons possession. And those bikers were easily induced to implicate Jaako Latt, the Finnish biker, since he hadn’t planned on sharing any of the blackmail money. So that takes care of them.

For reasons that aren’t clarified, the police are finished with Axel sooner than they are with Jennifer. (They’d been separated so that the police could compare their stories.) Given that Axel was the potential blackmail victim with all the connections back to the motorcycle club, I’m really unclear as to why they’re spending more time with Jennifer other than because it was necessary so that Axel and his foster brother Kyle could have a conversation alone.

Kyle starts their conversation but trying to convince Axel to tell their dad (Axel’s foster dad) what’s going on so that the family is warned and to get help. When that doesn’t work, Kyle says he’s actually already called their dad who has hired a publicist for Kyle. Must be nice to have such connections and money. At first Axel doesn’t want to “spin” the situation but Kyle convinces him to call the publicist, which Axel does in time for the evening sports news (apparently the NBA playoff games went very late.) So that takes care of the third loose end, or at least starts to.

Axel thanks his brother for having his back, then he declares that he won’t consider the whole ordeal over with until he gets his girl back.

Which is the cue for the novel to switch back to the subplot. Since Axel’s brand new publicist did manage to get Axel’s news into the papers, Vinny brings the paper and some coffee to Chelsea’s house at 7:15am.

Personally? I don’t really care how much I’m in love with someone, I don’t want that someone showing up on my doorstep at 7:15am. But Chelsea is a morning person, so when Vinny buzzes the intercom and plans to start apologizing (for inviting her to meet his parents), she immediately lets him in. She’s even waiting outside the door of her apartment when he gets to her floor.

In short sleeves, she revealed the little tattoos of his teammates’ numbers on her arms and he wondered if he’d see his somewhere. Her knit pajamas were covered in blue Phantoms logos. Even better, she wore a white T-shirt with his number on it… (139).

That’s adorable. Although I am now wondering what her tattoos look like. I hadn’t pictured them as “little tattoos” somehow (not large either, but still) so now I’m wondering if they are literally just little numbers in ordinary font. Given how expensive tattooing is and how Chelsea works in a gift shop and must spend absolutely all of her money on hockey tickets and gas for getting to away games, perhaps that makes sense. (I wonder, though. What happens when guys get traded or retire or whatever and someone else takes their number? What if she doesn’t like the new player and wouldn’t want their number on her? Or what if she really likes the new player? She wouldn’t be able to celebrate the new player. I may be thinking about this more than either Chelsea or the author did.)

More importantly, I suppose, Vinny starts telling Chelsea all the news but she interrupts him by apologizing for flipping out. Vinny asks if she’d like to go for a walk (after, y’know, dressing) since he doesn’t want to invade her space but she interrupts this, too, by flinging herself into his arms and kissing him.

“Chelsea.” He levered back, breaking the kiss. “I’m dying to hold you, sweetheart. But I need to set down the coffee” (140).

I like this couple. They’re adorable. Chelsea worries then that she’d done something wrong, since she’s inexperienced. He reassures her, she reassures him, and all is well and “Chelsea was going to be his forever mate” (141). Okay, that line is a bit awkward. (I’m used to hearing that pets need “forever homes” or “forever families” but not people, especially with “mate”, which, again, seems a bit inhuman.)

The scene reaches its apex when Chelsea tells Vinny that she thinks it’s fate that they’re ending up together because his number was his first tattoo and she got it over her heart.

In response, he licks said tattoo. It, uh, reads better in the original, I suppose.

Finally, the text goes back to our main couple for their final scene (no epilogue wedding or epilogue pregnancy this time around; no epilogue). Axel demands to take Jennifer home. She’d been talking on the phone with her boss, and before that Jennifer had been contacted by the Murphy family’s lawyer to make sure she was taken care of. Dude, everyone needs a Murphy family; they’ve got things covered.

Because this is a romance novel, we have to end with one more standard trope, in this case that Jennifer is worried that Axel still thinks they shouldn’t be together and fears that he’s now acting distant and worries that when they were crouched behind the makeshift bar would be the last time he ever touches her.

The text follows this up with another trope in which Axel tells Jennifer that she’s too impulsive and she tells him he’s too stubborn, and there’s bickering to cover the fact that they were both worried about each other. They solve this problem, however, when Axel has a suggestion.

“How about you stay with me and then neither of us will get into trouble without the other?” (145).

He points out that Jennifer will be able to find social causes to try to solve via film making in Philadelphia, obviously, and that this way he’ll be able to keep her safe. Jennifer responds with “My own personal defenseman” (145) which makes the title of the book make sense. (I approve. The book doesn’t actually use the title (Her Man Advantage) but alludes to it. It’s far less generic than Body Check, and it makes a heck of a lot more sense than Play the Man.)

Jennifer agrees (obviously) and suggests that maybe she could learn to enjoy a big house and Axel might eventually appreciate a hybrid car. I wouldn’t hold my breath on that latter one, but he does suggest that Jennifer’s sister might want to move to Philadelphia too, which is sweet (and Jennifer doesn’t immediately say that that’ll happen, she’s just happy that her sister could stay for summers if she doesn’t want to move to Philly full time.)

Then there’s the kissing and the camera man who interrupted them at the beginning of the book interrupts them again, this time to tell them that a reporter is at the rink, wanting to do a story on Axel’s life. Jennifer tells him to tell her she has to just watch the next installment of the documentary, and Axel quips that Jennifer’s answer could just have been that he gets “one hell of a happy ending” before kissing her some more (147).

So, that’s the end of Her Man Advantage. What I liked about it was the fast pace and the amusing situations. Granted, what amused me most was how incredibly unlikely the various events and backgrounds of the novel were, but none of them were downright impossible. The author clearly has a pretty good understanding of hockey (and the stench of hockey gear!!) and I’d be pleased to read another of her books at some point, particularly the other hockey novel about Kyle. (I won’t run out and get it for this blog, though, because I suspect a critique of it here would be too similar to this critique, at least without letting some time pass. On the other hand, I’m sure you’re all wondering what happens between Kyle and his new girlfriend, the matchmaker whose mother was a popstar.) 

I'd also like to point you back to the cover of this novel, as I talked about in post #1 for Her Man Advantage.  As you may recall, at no point in this book do the hero and heroine end up in the locker room together, let alone in such an awkward pose. Apparently the "Double Overtime" target was a reference to the documentary, which seems quite odd-- although I assume it's actually the title of this 'series' since the book about Kyle Murphy also has the same logo on it. I'm still thrown by the position of Jennifer-- butt or hip, that does not look comfortable. Not that Axel looks all that relaxed, either.  

Oh well. Tune in next time for …. A book. I dunno yet, since I haven’t picked the next one yet….