The Virgin's Secret Marriage: Post 6

Chapter 4: Lawyerin’. Really useless lawyerin’.

Joe’s lawyer, Ross Dempsey, is described as a “handsome bachelor” which makes me think he might make an appearance in a later book in this series, and “one of the most prominent sports-and-entertainment attorneys in the area” (48) and he sees Emma and Joe right away. After they explain the situation, he asks all the pertinent questions.

“Did the two of you get divorced? Was the marriage annulled? How long were you married?” (52)

The couple answers only the last question with “Thirty minutes.” Joe clarifies that the justice of the peace who’d married them tore up the papers and had “the marriage wiped completely off the books” (53). But a phone call later the lawyer confirms that the marriage was not “annulled or expunged.” Thus, Joe and Emma have been married for the past seven years.

I hadn’t expected the secret marriage to have been secret to even the participants. That’s kinda fun.

Ross asks if the two of them consummated the marriage, and of course they both said no. He clarifies that he means within the past seven years and they still say no. Geez, Ross, did you not read the title of this book?

Legally, Ross declares that they shouldn’t have a problem fixing things, as long as both Emma and Joe have the same story about what happened the previous Friday when they were caught naked in each other’s arms. However, the public relations side of things is going to be a nightmare. Now that the marriage is no longer a secret (even to the participants!), explaining away the events will be more difficult.

…Joe explained carefully, “I think what Ross is trying to say is that people are going to speculate that you and I have been carrying on with each other all along and hiding it from everyone. For kicks, I guess” (54).

See, that part seems strange to me. Sure, it’s going to cause speculation; it’s a weird situation and difficult to explain. But the fact that “for kicks” is the best reason for the two of them to have kept it quiet—and what kicks would those be??—is what makes it seem that people would actually buy the true story. (On the other hand, I’m sure people could come up with other reasons… I’m not sure that I can come up with a good reason… Other than that Saul hated Joe so much that he wouldn’t allow him and Emma to marry? So they did it secretly and kept it secret for seven years… it just doesn’t make sense. Especially since surely Joe has dated in those seven years and in doing so probably had a few publicity photos with those dates.)

The three of them briefly discuss what happened in the intervening seven years, particularly the direct aftermath of Saul catching Emma and Joe together. Joe was sent back to the minors then traded “to the lowest-standing team in the AHL” (54). That sucks, but there’s two problems with that comment. First, it sounds like he was intentionally (under Saul’s command) traded to the worst AHL team, but I can’t see teams making business choices (players are expensive) based entirely on revenge, particularly since it would require multiple teams’ managements to agree, including that low-ranking AHL team. Second, so what if the AHL team is low-ranking? I mean, sure, everyone wants to win, but the ranking of the AHL team has little to do with the ranking of the parent NHL club. Not to mention, the players’ biggest goal is to get called up to the NHL team—winning the Calder Cup is *a* goal, but not the big goal. In fact, being an excellent player on a bad AHL team might even get you noticed faster and called up to the big boys.

On the other hand, Joe complains that after his experience with Emma and the Carolina Storm, the league(s) perceived him as being trouble and he had to prove himself otherwise. I guess Saul was a jerk and trashed his reputation? Except there had never been any media linking Emma and Joe (until now) and I can’t see Saul allowing Emma’s reputation to be trashed (even just within the league(s)) in order to sabotage Joe.

Harlequin Handwave time?

Reminiscing time over, Joe asks Ross what to do. Given Ross’s answer, I sincerely hope that Joe isn’t paying him very much.

“Figure out how to fix it, I guess, within the perception of the public” (55).

To be fair, “how to fix it…within the perception of the public” is more of a PR person’s job than a lawyer’s. That said, that’s all the advice that Ross gives—he doesn’t even explain how the two of them could start to actually annul the marriage/get divorced.

But since the two of them are each other’s Ones, I suppose that’s all right.

When Emma complains that it’s impossible to change the public’s opinion on them, Joe clearly has an Aha! moment and turns to her “as inspiration hit”. The chapter ends without sharing what said inspiration is…

The Virgin's Secret Marriage: Post 1

Those are some *seriously* baggy pants

Chapter 1: ALL THE THINGS

Initially I thought this might be a book I read and did maaaaaaybe three posts on, rather than a full on chapter-by-chapter kind of critique. But then I read the first chapter and so much happens in just these pages, between references  to a history between the main characters and the first time these characters meet up again after seven years, that now I just don't know what will happen. Adventure!

So, meet our next text...  The Virgin's Secret Marriage. I have a (not so secret?) fondness for titles like this one (The Billionaire Sheik's Mysterious Lover, The Texas Oil Tycoon's Unknown Baby Mama… maybe not) so I was delighted to find this one, which has as its hero a professional hockey player. Huzzah!

And just who is our hero? Why, Joe Hart, who, the text tells us in the very first sentence, made one incredibly critical misstep in his hockey career, in that seven years before he was caught with the team owner's daughter. This led to his being traded (I think?), but now he is back in his home town and about to once again play for the Carolina Storm. (Hello, Thinly Veiled NHL team Carolina Hurricanes!)

The text is unclear if this is a trade or an off-season signing. I’m guessing the latter because the opening scene is Joe with the owner (Saul Donovan) to go over team rules before Joe is permitted to sign. I would think that if it were a trade, there'd be less of this and more "you're on this team now, don't be an asshat."

"I'm willing to overlook what happened years ago on one very important condition," Saul continued sternly. "You stay away from my daughter" (12 emphasis original).

Joe eagerly agrees to this condition, as he has no desire (so he says) to see Emma Donovan again, and in fact, although it tells us on the first page that what Joe wants more than anything is a wife and kids (10), here the narrative reveals that whatever had happened between Joe and Emma seven years before had broken Joe's heart.

To the point Joe had more or less sworn off love ever since the night he had been caught trying to sneak a sobbing, angry Emma and her suitcase back into her college dorm (12).

I suppose those aren’t mutually exclusive if you don’t care about loving your partner and children.

But ooooooo, mystery. Only Joe and Emma know the entirety of what happened-- or didn't happen-- that night. Dunh dunh dunnnhhh.

BUT there are difficulties with the plan of staying away from Emma, because of course there is, as the narrative reveals. In a stunning display of, well, literary (in)convenience, Emma is now a wedding planner, "the most sought-after wedding planner in the state" and she works with Joe's mom, who "runs the premier wedding location in all of North Carolina" (13). HOW COULD THIS POSSIBLY GO WRONG?!

Well, it starts to go wrong right here in the very first chapter, in point of fact. The team owner is about to go out of town and asks Joe if, since he doesn't have all of his stuff yet from wherever he's moved from, he'd like to stay at his place, partly because he likes his team to feel like a family and mostly because there's been a rash of burglaries in the area, where no matter the state of the art security systems, the criminals have gotten in. (Welcome to the team! Wanna be a security guard for the weekend?) After being assured that there was NO POSSIBLE WAY that Emma would stop by, Joe agrees.

Because of course he does.

Surely you see where this is going? I mean, you do, right? Because if you don’t, you might not be reading the right blog.

Joe signs the contract, is told to report to the rink on Monday, and gets a tour of the house by the owner's wife.

That should be enough for one chapter! BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE.

Elsewhere in town, Joe's momma and Emma have just finished with a wedding, apparently a truly exhausting one. And Emma is thinking all about the man who dumped her so easily for the sake of his career, one Joe Hart. Now, I know she's standing next to Joe's mother, but if they've been working together for a while now (and they have) it seems weird that Emma just happens to be pining for Joe and regretting their past on the very day that Joe has moved back into town (there hasn't been any announcement of this.) I guess we can do the Harlequin Handwave about this, though.

But, as I wrote, the wedding was incredibly exhausting so Emma has decided that instead of driving home to Raleigh, she'll do something she never ever does-- she's going to crash at her parents' house for the night.

It's like a train wreck -- you see both engines heading for each other on the same track but there's nothing you can do to stop them.

Before she can get to her parents' house, however, the text provides us with some backstory about how Emma's family started out middle class and her parents sent her to boarding school so that they could focus on the family business-- Saul's Sandwich Shops. Apparently they did astronomically well and went national and Saul was then able to afford to buy an NHL team.

From what I understand about the NHL Board of Governors, Saul must have done *amazing* and greased a lot of palms to be let into that group. But okay, sure.

Emma likes hockey and was so excited to be involved but she was DENIED.

...her father-- ever protective-- had strictly forbidden it. Hockey players were bad news for women, he had said. If only she had listened to him all those years ago... But she hadn't. And instead had directly disobeyed him, and had regularly gone to see a minor-league AHL team (19)

Specifically a minor league team where she went to college (Brown University) and which just happened to have on it a "sexy southern boy and North Carolina native" so that's apparently how the two met. Sucks to be Saul Donovan-- he should have let Emma meet the NHL players. That way, he'd've been there to supervise and also if she did fall for one and marry, it'd be one with income. But nooooo, he had to forbid her and she fell for an AHL player. Tsk tsk.

Emma pulls herself together and heads for her parents' home, dreaming of a hot soak in the tub.

Surely there's no way this could all go poorly!

The chapter keeps going, but I shan't 'til the next post.