The Fictional Hockey League

Critiquing hockey romance novels, of which there are many. Overthinking it is the point.

Tuesday, April 28, 2015

Bonus post!

Yesterday I pointed out that The Virgin's Secret Marriage, the current book, has tried its hand, about 2/3rds of the way through the book, at being a mystery, in addition to being a romance novel. (And that goes about as well as you'd expect from the previous posts about this book.) And in doing so, I inserted an image from the children's book series, The Boxcar Children. (This is a series I used to read, in fact, although I do not remember getting to #80. But I do vaguely recall reading a bout a hockey mystery. So who knows?)

The boxcar plays not important role in these books after the first one.
What I failed to do, however, was actually look closely at this cover. I could comment on the creepy smile on the guy in the middle. Considering these four kids are siblings, his look at the girl beside him is Not Okay. And his rakishly angled hat is weirding me out. And he's supposed to be 14.

I could also point out that none of them look like they have a freakin' clue as to what they're doing.  I mean, look at the kid in the back (Benny). That is not how you hold a hockey stick. And the girl towards the back (Violet), looks like she's just walking on the ice, not skating, lackadaisically gesturing vaguely towards the puck.

But what caught my eye when rereading the post from yesterday is that they're very clearly in an indoor rink (given the boards behind them.)* But none of them are wearing gear-- not even helmets. I don't know any indoor rink in the US (and I'm guessing the same goes for Canada, although those rinks are clearly not going to operate under USAHockey rules). No one is allowed on the ice when there is hockey playing of any kind without at least a helmet! (And I don't think I've ever seen anyone in a rink without wearing gloves, too, even if they aren't in full gear.)

Someone across the ice is going to take a shot on the net behind those kids and a puck is going to hit Benny in the head and the next book will be The Concussion Mystery. Or a puck will hit Henry (the oldest guy) in the crotch and will wipe that smile right off of him. (The 'Can Henry Still Have Children?' Mystery, Boxcar Children #217).

*I will however congratulate this cover for putting the boards and the glass above said boards instead of how most of these romance novels seem to forget the glass and have their heroines resting their folded arms on the boards to watch their hockey heroes.


  1. I just made the mistake of buying a hockey romance, sight unseen, because it was on presale and I read a ton of good reviews. Three chapters in, I can see that author knows nothing about hockey, and since about five new hockey romances were released this week, I can only guess that hockey players are the new billionaires. Readers who care about hockey are in trouble. However, the author knows nothing about any of the subjects she's referencing, so she's an equal opportunity idiot.

    As for actually commenting on this post, which I enjoyed, at least they all have hockey skates on.

    1. I have to admit I was pleasantly surprised that all four kids were in hockey skates. I kind of expected the girls to be in figure skates.

      I looked up "hockey romance" on amazon today and sorted by publication date and was horrified by the dozens of the ones coming out soon. Inundated with horrible novels... yay....